Tuesday, 27 March 2012

Youtube comment posters

It's an easy thing to do. You're watching a youtube video, you scroll down to see the comments and BANG! You're in an adventure playground for nutters.
Where do they even find these people? I've certainly never met anyone stupid or mental enough to post some of the shit that crops up here. My supposition is that they are exclusively American, but their spelling is so terrible it's impossible to tell. I can understand some of the comments in Polish to a greater degree than the random collection of characters and symbols that characterises the true retard poster.
Yet it's unfair to group them all together. The average thicko (see comments which appear to believe that z is a direct equivalent to s, are under the impression that u r is equivalent to you are and focus on the assets of any female singer) is nowhere near as annoying as the retard who has evolved to a level where he believes himself to be clever. Their comments are normally as inane as they are lengthy. What particularly peeves me is their ability to believe they are entitled to make a valid point while still using 'their and they're' or 'you're and your' interchangeably. You stupid dickheads. They are usually trapped in arguments of unbelievable stupidity, with rapid right wing patriots ('mycountrymyflag149') furiously confronting trendy left wing wankers (gandhiisgod:')'. I fucking hate them all. The true mystery is how these arguments even start on videos of red bull bikers or grinning cats (and I don't even want to talk about the kind of shit that is put on youtube. Why video it in the first place, and why put it where other members of your species can see your pea sized brain? Fucking why?). I considered scrolling back through the pages, but decided not to take the risk my small intestine would jump out my mouth and throttle me in the face of such idiotic banality.
I'd love you to comment on this blog. But only after an IQ test.

Saturday, 8 October 2011

Compete for the meat

Don't be mistaken- I love Dave. It's great. Since E4's decided that it's going to scrap friends at 8 pm, and instead put on something so shit that it makes you look forward to 'My Name is Earl' (which doesn't just fuck up your 8pm viewing slot but also takes a giant dump all over E4+1 at 9), Dave's 'Mock the Week' re runs are like wadis in the desert of late evening programming. But they've made a fatal mistake: 'Made by Dave'. Like a giant supermarket, Dave's become so over confident at selling stuff that other people have produced that it's decided it can make stuff too. But it can't. It really fucking can't. Like Morrison's own brand ice cream. It may look like ice cream, but it's actually shit in a tub.
Take 'Compete for the meat'. If there's ever a programme which has been designed around a catchy sounding name, this is it. Some smug wanker at Dave in an 'ironic' t-shirt and jeans has actually given whoever came up with the concept money to make it a show. The fact that no one at Dave thought -We've made a TV show where contestants are competing for mince, this is bullshit' is a pretty damning inditement of the channel.
To add insult to injury, the show is presented by the turd in a suit who is Al Murray. I fucking hate Al Murray. I hate his fat face, I hate his description of himself as a Pub Landlord, I hate the way he carries a pint of beer around in a desperate attempt to make the freeflow of crap from his mouth sound like jokes. He's a prick.
So come on Dave. You're not bad, so scrap 'Compete for the Meat'. To fill the time in your programming, you could film Al Murray attempting to run an actual pub. I'd watch just to see him get stabbed.